November 2014

I’m a horrible decision maker. Rarely do I ever fully know what I want, and oftentimes don’t think things through clearly in the moment.

I even struggle making decisions when I have time to think about them. I’m a chronic over-thinker, and do not want to ever make the wrong decisions. Especially if they impact other people.

One minute, I’m fine with a choice I made, and the next, I’m regretting it in favor of the other choice. This is a cycle that can go on and on for the same decision, and it’s really a huge mental drain.

Is the other person happy? Is it for the good of the group? What is every single pro and con of this choice? — My brain

Present to me a good argument, and I can change my mind in a heartbeat. Throw in a counterpoint somewhere, and I could go right back to where I started.

It’s not that I don’t have the capacity to think for myself, or that I can’t formulate my own opinions. That’s not it at all.

It’s just that when push comes to shove, and I have to make a big decision, I struggle. It’s a flaw of mine. I put way too much pressure on myself, and want to please everybody else.

But you know what I’m starting to realize? It’s perfectly fine to make selfish decisions; decisions that serve you, and not necessarily anybody else.

Sometimes the difference between happiness and unhappiness is making a tough decision.

Should I make a decision that benefits me, even if it isn’t in the best interest of someone else? Absolutely. If it’s something I know will make me happy, I have to do it.

I don’t believe every decision I make in life has to best serve me, though. But I do believe that I need to make more self-serving ones, because I wasn’t put on this planet to serve anybody else.

Alex Mangini is the most important person in the world to Alex Mangini. I like how that sounds.

Maybe I’m not all that fucked up in the head. Maybe I just wanted everyone to like me.

Regardless, I just want to do what makes me happy.